Anyway, Jill had always avoided executive responsibility at Pere or Midori because she had no interest but she becomes a manager at Morris-Bemerson. Doug brings up a good question. What was going on in Jill's life that would cause her sufficient stress to bring on a heart attack?

I can shed some light on these events. Even though I was only 6 or 7yrs old at the time, I remember clearly our visits with Jill every other weekend.

When a Jill weekend was coming, we would run around laughing, which our stepmother had forbidden. By Friday afternoon when Jill would pick up Amy and me, we were dancing with delight. We had a good time with Jill because she encouraged us to be ourselves, to be children.

By Sunday afternoon, Amy and I would become increasingly morose and quiet, knowing we had to go back home. We must have grown worse as time went on, because Jill explained that returning us to our father and stepmother was making us ill. Eventually, Jill told us that she had to stop visiting us. After that last visit, I remember that Amy and I were sick for a while.

A few weeks later, my father told us that Jill had suffered a heart attack. He said she's okay now, but she can't visit any more due to health reasons.

Several other events occurred in 1981. Most of you know that contract professionals unsuccessfully attempted to kidnap KMark in 1981 but few of you know about the other events.

While at Morris-Bemerson in 1981, Jill was 33yrs old and at the peak of her sexual drive. She had love affairs with numerous young women. One, named Kit, worked as a graphic designer in her department. Jill and Kit had strong feelings for one another, but when she discovered Jill's infidelity, Kit began dating a young engineer. The couple moved to Sacramento while Jill was still trying to work out their mutual attraction. A week later, the young man called Jill to say that Kit had disappeared while running the previous evening. Jill dropped everything and drove to Sacramento to help the police look for Kit. She and the young man found Kit's body hidden in some brush. Someone had raped her and beaten her to death. Acting on evidence collected at the scene, homicide detectives tried to question a paroled felon, who pulled a pistol and opened fire. The detectives shot him dead. In his apartment, police found Kit's belongings and her blood on his clothing. Jill returned home, frustrated once more.

She was also trying to establish Aliversal, her foundation. She had wanted to do this for almost 10yrs. Problem is that she was running into one frustration after another.

Add her futile efforts to establish Aliversal to the deteriorating situation with her godchildren and managing publications at Morris-Bemerson. Personally, I think her stress came from trying to do things she simply could not do well, if at all. She was failing at everything and refusing to accept it.

The accumulating stress brought on Jill's heart attack, which forced her to see the truth. Once she accepted the situation, she just let go of all her responsibilities. One of the first things Jill showed me was a list that the counselor had told her to make. The list included all of the things Jill wanted to do and had not yet done. At the top of the list was letting go of everything, followed by climbing the Grand Tetons and finally enrolling in graduate school.

It doesn't suit Jill's style. It's slightly exhibitionist. It doesn't move toward any of her goals; in fact, it distracts.

All right, I'll give you the fact that preparing to climb 3 mountains over 3 summers will get Jill into great physical shape, but she doesn't have to climb to do that. She can do anything. What's the point of climbing?

You make a good point, Annie. Jill has matured from her younger days of barely controlled rage. Instead of reacting, she chooses to sublimate her frustration by climbing mountains. It may seem pointless to climb but it gives her something to do with all that energy from her frustrated rage. However, I don't believe any more than the rest of you do that Jill engages in pointless activity just to burn off energy.

She had a reason for climbing the Tetons, and I believe that reason was that she and Kit had planned to do so—together. We have no way of deducing that reason from external evidence so we must ask. Jill, did you and Kit plan to climb the Tetons together?

Yes. We agreed to help one another prepare for and climb Moran, Middle and Grand in successive summers. Later, Kit claimed that our agreement had included a monogamous relationship. Rather than discuss it with her, I flaunted my relationships. Kit responded by dating Jeremy, living with him and then moving to Sacramento with him. While we were trying to figure out how our actions affected our agreement, Melchior Aseño raped and murdered Kit.

As Annie said, I had no one to kill, so I shrugged off the emotional and other baggage I was carrying and began preparing as Kit and I had agreed. Fortunately, the same summer I finished honoring our agreement, representatives of the Guiccone family paid me a visit.

When I finished my military service in Japan, I had decided to teach high school. Friends tried to dissuade me but I wouldn't listen. Until that point in my life, everything I had decided to do, I had done. When I failed at teaching after a single year, I realized that I could not do some things well—especially where I could not control the success factors. For instance, a schoolteacher's success depends upon how well she fits in with her students and parents as well as her peers. I rarely fit in anywhere. When I left teaching, I proceeded to repeat the same behavior, taking responsibilities that did not suit me. Therapy helped me see that pattern of behavior, stop it and avoid it in the future.

So you tried to re-join society in a profession where the clients—children—would accept you as you are. However, you minimized the importance of fitting in with the faculty, administration and community leaders, most of whom began hating you the moment they met you. They forced you out, didn't they?

When Jill leaves the military, she does so with a firm commitment to stop contract assassinations, re-join society and teach teenagers in high school. We believe that Jill does well with most kids, parents and community leaders, but the faculty, administration and a few community leaders despise her popularity and run her out of town. Still committed to fitting in, Jill takes a job at Morris-Bemerson, tries one more time to have a meaningful relationship—this time with Kit—and fails. With Kit's rape and death, the loss of her godchildren and other failures, Jill suffers a minor heart attack. Realizing she's repeating bad behavior, Jill begins counseling and physical therapy, which includes climbing the Tetons over 3yrs and taking a hiatus from predation. Jill returns to school and discovers she is on the right track to a full recovery and happy life. Reinforcing her belief, and as a reward for her good behavior, the gods send her the east coast mob with an offer she not only refuses but follows them home and proceeds to slaughter them one and all—save old Al and his nephew.