Doc's Place

© 2008, Michel Grover. All rights reserved.
Chapter 12 | Part 2
Friday, October 5, 1984

The center of my vision is in sharp focus but all around is blurred, so I watch for movement and then focus on it. High, high I fly, watching the myriad movements beneath me, my focus leaping to one and then another. A fat mouse stops, quivering slightly. Tuck my wings and drop.

Hear soft voices in the room but keep my eyes closed. Smells like a hospital, which makes sense. So I didn't die. I'll be damned. Try moving my right leg first, but it is strapped down tight. I move my shoulder and a burning pain tears through my back.

"She's waking up," someone says.

Open my eyes. The ugliest face I've ever seen in my life is hovering over mine. "Hi Baby," I rasp because it's my Bruno. "You came to see me." My throat is dry.

Bruno says nothing, just gives me a little smile.

The other side of my bed, the girl stands beside me, her hand warm at my neck, comforting. She gives me a little smile and then looks away at something.

Another face appears, crowding Bruno aside. "Hello Jill. I'm Doctor Something. Try to remain still for the moment, okay?"

Already figured that one, Doc.

He tells me a bullet went through the muscles at the back of my right leg, which they have immobilized for the moment. Another dug a ragged channel across my right shoulder blade. It's stitched up and should heal nicely. However, back of my shoulder will look like someone took a chainsaw to it. Lost a lot of blood.

Touch my throat, so the doc tells the nurse to help me take a drink from a straw. It hurts at first but then feels good. The nurse tells me to wait a bit before having more.

"Time is it?" I whisper.

"Four o'clock, same day," she says softly with a reassuring smile.

Still feel the warm hand at my neck, so I turn my head slightly. The girl is staring hard at the nurse. Following her stare, I look at the nurse but she is moving away and quickly leaves the room.

Turning my head, I see Bruno and Don standing beside the bed. "Jack?" I ask Don.

He purses his lips and says, "Dead. So are the other two agents." After a pause to watch me, probably for my reaction, Don continues, "Sniper was in the rocks, covered with foil and camouflage so her heat signature didn't show. The other two were just bait, hired locally. Don't know shit about her or who let out the contract."

Watch him as he gently brushes a lock of hair from my forehead. He thought I was dead for a while on that hillside. Still hasn't recovered from that scare.

"Sniper's contract out of Britain. One of the guys tossed a flash-bang on her head. That stopped her shooting. Problem is she can't see or hear to . . . something . . . something."

Fading. Doc must see it because he shoves them out. Fade to black.

Awaken briefly to see Don standing beside my bed, looking at the door. He's holding my hand gently. The girl is still beside me, watching the door as well. Begin to look at the door but I slip under again.

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Doc's Place Chat
© 2008, Michel Grover.
Chapter 12 | Part 2
Late Autumn 2008

Lucia :
Mic has posted in the left frame paragraphs from Doc's Place, one of his copyrighted stories. I'm moderating chat here in the right frame. I post every day, but I don't post everything. I have formed a secondary group from which I may also post comments.

Minnie :
Thank god Jill has the hawk dream, which means things have settled down for the moment.

Jules :
Jill's been out for more than ten hours, time enough for Don to call Bruno, who catches a flight from Salt Lake City to Reno. He's there in 2hrs.

Alan :
Can you imagine the thoughts going through Bruno's mind as he looks down at the face of the only woman he's ever loved as she regains consciousness and sees her look of recognition? Here stands this tough guy, a former Marine and street-wise detective, watching her face break into a smile.

Carlo :

You're right, Alan. Bruno's a tough old bastard who's seen many dead and wounded men and women in his time—some he knew—but this one's different.

Jules :
Carlos, did your wounds hurt when you first woke up?

Carlos :
It's a nasty surprise when you first regain consciousness. Even the drugs don't stop that. A few minutes after I first woke up, I was crying for another shot.

Jules :
I'd say that we all know you're a big pussy, but I've never been shot so I'll just stfu.

Carlos :
I can't argue. Also, as I recovered, I noticed my skin lost sensation in some areas. Years later, some of them came back but not all of them. Docs tell me that it's nerve damage.

Jules :
Jill, did you have the same experience?

Jill :
Yes

Amalie :
Won't you expand on that?

Jill :
Not much to say

Cyril :
It's just not her style, dearie. Jill rarely speaks of suffering, especially her own.

Maria :
Jill can feel the girl's hand on her neck. I've always assumed that, since the girl isn't real, she has no body but her hand is warm so I guess she does.

Ian :
The girl seems suspicious of Jill's nurse for some reason.

Carlo :
Okay Raj, last session you and your group provided us with some amazing insights into Jill's character and mindset. I would like to ask you a few questions. I hope you don't mind.

Raj :
We are ready, Carlo and all my friends, to answer your questions. May I add that our Bengaluru group is gratified with the response we received last session. We will participate more assertively where and when we deem appropriate. Please ask your questions.

Carlo :

First, where does this analysis emanate? It seems almost to fly in the face of Hindu philosophy that says death is simply a passage to the path of the sun, which means the soul will never return, or the path of the moon, which means the soul will return. Despite this philosophy, you and your group characterize cold and dark and Jill—death—as fearsome. Can you explain?

Raj :
You ask an excellent question, Carlo. We assumed that all of you in the primary group take a Western view of death as fearsome. We would add that night and the fear of death could also be disquieting for the Hindu who is not ready for it because the soul almost certainly will enter the path of the moon or darkness upon death. This is because the person has not set affairs in order and still has much to do before passing on.

Annie :
What would you say to devout Christians or Muslims who claim to fear death not at all, because their soul will go to God?

Raj :
I would say the same thing that I would say to a devout Hindu. Live so that you are ready at any time for death, according to your own beliefs, because death can come for you at any time. If you live in that manner, then you may not welcome death but you may not fear it either.

Carlo :
I'm interested in the process your Bengaluru group followed to arrive at your conclusion that Jill has become death. Would you mind taking us through the process, Raj?

Raj :
No problem, Carlo. We were comparing Jill to Kalki, an incarnation or avatar of Vishnu. Kalki carries a sword and comes to destroy filth or confusion. We were not saying she is Kalki but simply a shadow or portent of his coming. Some group members brought up that if Westerners joined our discussion, they might say that Jill has become death incarnate to convicted felons and other evil men who manifest an age of filth and confusion. This intrigued the group enough that we began exploring the concept and found considerable evidence to support Jill's preference for the cold and dark. Once we had developed the analysis, we decided that it was significant and interesting enough to share with the primary group.

Carlo :
What reaction did you and your group expect?

Raj :
Frankly, we expected that this group would shrug, say that's interesting and move the discussion to other issues. We hoped that our analysis would inspire some interest and perhaps some discussion. The support and interest our analysis received is quite unexpected and gratifying.

Lucia :
One reason your analysis captured our interest is because of your presentation, Raj. Did some in your group object and perhaps want to develop it in a different direction?

Raj :
Some of our group, me included, believed that we were taking too great a risk by portraying Jill as death. What persuaded us to proceed was that to this point, we had taken few risks and so, had piqued little interest, controversy and discussion. Many of us want to take a more active role in discussions so our risk-taking contingent prevailed, persuading the group to present the support for Jill as death.

Lucia :

If I understand you correctly then, you represent the wiser, more cautious contingent within your group. Do you have someone who represents this reckless, risk-taking contingent—someone who would like to add his or her name to the secondary group? If so, please introduce him or her to us.

Raj :
It is gratifying that you extend such an invitation. Allow me to introduce Avani, a young Hindu woman we consider brave and powerful. We never proceed without her input.

Avani :

Thank you for the invitation, Lucia. May I say that the growth and maturity you have shown in the months since this group began is an example to young women throughout the world. Benny and Amalie, your impact upon this group's discussion has been profound. Marcus, please accept the reverent affection of my family. I have more to say to each of you but I shall wait until the occasion arises.

As a stop-loss officer for a California-based human resources consulting firm with offices throughout India and the world, I look at the facts and make difficult decisions that significantly affect people's lives. My doctoral degrees are in psychiatry and law from University of California at Berkeley, so even though I am young, only 25, I have knowledge and wisdom to share. Philosophically, I am an atheist with deep respect for tradition and its leavening effect upon the individual, the family and the masses. Socially, I am a lesbian with a penchant for lissome young women with dark eyes, skin and hair. Perhaps in contrast to my education and profession, my sexual partners tell me that I am a maniac in the sack.

What do I think of Jill Price? I revere her focus and achievements, but I must agree with Amalie and Benny. Psychologically, Jill is a homicidal bitch who has yet to celebrate her 15th birthday. Thank whatever deities you care to imagine that Jill Price is a genius at selecting and retaining brilliant executives because she has never lost, and never will lose, her taste for violence and blood.

What is my opinion of Jill's hostile, yet benign takeover of the world? I think it's great. The human species is getting exactly what it deserves. Perhaps women once ruled human tradition and perhaps not. Regardless, the men who have been running things have made a general mess of things with few exceptions so it's time they give up control, whether they admit it to themselves or not. Before any of you entertain fears that I am a women's-rights freak, let me assure you: I am. Having said that, I dote upon my father, grandfather, uncles and brothers—of which I have many, being from a large and loving family. I revere the women in my family who, with few exceptions, are wise, witty and wonderful.

Finally, what do I say about Ume, Sara, Lizzie and the other executives who rule Pere and the world? I revere them. I offer them my life and my critical skepticism. Sign me up. Hook me into the neural network and set the world before me. Questions?

Minnie :
Forgive my inexperience, Avani, but I have never met such an outspoken, forthright Hindu woman from India or anywhere else for that matter. With your education and personality, you could live in New York City or any metropolis in the world and succeed. Two questions: how did you get this way and why have you chosen to live in India?

Avani :

Thank you for asking. Thank you also for choosing the profession of teaching children. No greater calling exists if you love it and perform it well, which I believe you do. To answer both your questions, Minnie, I will follow the example of Marcus, the man I most love and admire in either group, and tell a brief story.

For generations the women in my family have struggled for women's rights and children's rights throughout India and the world. In recent years, my grandmother, my mother, my sisters and I have been working actively to persuade local governments in southern India to prosecute aggressively the crime of trafficking in children for the purpose of pedophilia with tourists. Only recently have we begun to succeed. Before leaving home to attend Cal in Berkeley, California, my voluntary part in this work had been to develop a database that local police and prosecutors use to sift through crates of financial transactions, telephone records and other evidence going back decades. Imagine my heartache when I learned from my mother and grandmother that my database had helped law enforcement to discover a pattern of involvement related to my father's successful tourism business. After my grandmother and mother persuaded my father to testify against the criminals who had organized this activity, the local courts sentenced him to prison for this disgraceful act.

For years now, my family had also been in the process of emigrating from India to Sacramento, California. Several of my uncles and older brothers had moved, purchased homes and businesses and begun to establish their families. With my father's minimum prison term of 10yrs and with this disgraceful act upon his record, he could not emigrate so my grandmother and mother declared that they were remaining in Bengaluru to assist their son and husband. The effect of my father's crime and my grandmother and mother's decisions to stay is that our entire family is now returning to India. Throughout our generations, we have always been close as a family. When we decided to emigrate, we were all going. Now, we will never leave India because the women in my family have so decided. I hope that answers your questions, Minnie.

Minnie :
Raj is right, Avani. You are brave and powerful for having the courage to tell us of this embarrassing ordeal. The loyalty of the women of your family in standing with your father to face the disgrace he brought on your family is impressive. Thank you for telling us.

Annie :
You tell an amazing story, Avani. What has become of your father's tourist business and your family's fortunes now that he is in prison and disgraced?

Avani :
I appreciate the empathy in your question, Annie. Fortunately, two of my uncles and two of my brothers had joined the business, learned it and developed contacts all over the world, which helped them to establish a new business. Through diligent effort and a willingness to work long hours, their business is struggling but surviving. The social stigma is, of course, difficult to bear. Many people who once called us friends will have nothing to do with our family now, even though the local magistrate and court found that we had no knowledge or involvement in my father's criminal activity and, in fact, had been instrumental in his arrest and conviction. Did I answer your questions fully?

Annie :
Yes, thank you. I admire your family for standing by your father through this embarrassing and difficult time. Adversity highlights character, which you and your family possess in abundance.

Alice :
All of us view Marcus with a degree of affection because he is such a sweet father and such a good man. Please tell us, why do you love and admire our Marcus?

Avani :
Alice, you must know that Benny looks up to you and loves you. Go to him privately, apologize for your attempt on Jill's life and beg his forgiveness. I'm not saying this only because of karma and because I'm a Hindu but because you must set things right with Benny. You have a profound effect upon him and after your death, your memory will live on in his words and actions, which promise to be everlasting and of great power. He is the son you will never have.

To answer your question, Marcus loves his family and his friends more than he loves life itself. The women in my family wept in tender sympathy when they read of the decision process he and Lenora went through before allowing their youngest daughter to attend USC. Beyond that, if Ume explained why it was necessary, Marcus would willingly lay down his life for her or her family because he owes her a life. He said so and I believe he would do it. Don't you agree?

Alice :
Yes, I do. Thanks, Avani, for your suggestion regarding Benny, which never occurred to me. I'll act upon it immediately.

Marcus :
I'm not sure I deserve all the praise you have heaped upon me, Avani. Please don't think that I'm searching for additional praise. Surely you and the women in your family do not consider me all that great of a father and friend, do you?

Avani :

You are a holy man, Marcus, and as such, you are a teacher of moral good by word and by example. Beyond your example as a husband, father and friend, you emit a spiritual light that is plain to see for all who have been blessed with the ability to see. When people consider your words and deeds, they feel this holy influence whether you intend it or are even aware of it.

Let me give you and everyone else an example. Before anyone had any idea of his guilt, suppose my father and you met, became friends and he told you he bore a terrible guilt, wished to confess it and wanted confess to you, Marcus. First, would you listen? If you would listen and he told you of his crime, then how would you react, initially, I mean? Finally, once he had told you the truth and asked your advice, what would you have told him?

Marcus :

These are not difficult questions, Avani. Of course, I would listen. Why wouldn't I? He is my brother and for all I know, God sent him to me specifically to help him unburden his soul of this crushing guilt. As far as my initial reaction, I would touch him, even hold him if he let me. A man, any man, with such a terrible remorse and yearning to confess is within the grace of God and therefore eligible for mercy and forgiveness. Since God mercifully forgives your father his sin, regardless of his belief, who am I to deny him? My answer to your final question is simple: I would advise him to confess his crime, accept the resulting punishment and face the public humiliation that follows. While he did this, I would stand beside him through all of it—even to face the cameras—if he asked it of me.

Avani :

Half a world away, you reach inside my breast and clutch my heart, Marcus. Do you know that?

Now, let me ask the same questions of Alice or Carlo or Doug or Jules or Les or Stephanie that I asked of you. What would any of you say to my father?

Alice :
Sorry, Avani, but I'd tell your father to seek out a priest or a Guardia station. I wouldn't want to hear all that crap.

Doug :
I'd tell him he's on his own. No way I'm listening to all that let alone go through it with him.

Steph :
A man who had sold children into prostitution? I'd tell him to go to hell and then turn him in to the authorities.

Carlo :

Slip a shim through his cerebral cortex and drop him in the river—save society the trouble.

Jules :
Turn and walk away.

Les :
Same here

Avani :
Thank you all for your honesty

Alice :
What I don't get, Avani, is that you say you're an atheist. How can you, who declare yourself a non-believer, claim to sense a spiritual light from anyone, let alone Marcus?

Avani :

It is true that I am an atheist but that doesn't mean I don't sense spirituality or the lack of it in others, Alice. As an atheist and a skeptic, I believe in natural selection and the evolution of species. Through hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution, is it so difficult to accept that a person can be a skeptic, and yet sense spirituality and love in a man like Marcus?

Alice :
Well no, put it that way, I suppose not.

Doug :
Wait. Are you claiming that nature has selected humans for survival and procreation specifically for their ability to sense tenderness or spirituality in others?

Avani :
Are you claiming that nature has not done so, Doug?

Doug :
It just doesn't seem like a genetic predisposition, that's all.

Avani :
Probably not, but that doesn't mean that nature cannot select for survival and procreation those with a disposition for specific memes, does it?

Doug :
Perhaps not, as you say. I don't know because I haven't given it much thought.

Avani :
I have, but you're not ready to debate this topic, are you, Doug?

Doug :
No, but damn, you are one tough little bitch, Avani. I'm glad you've joined us.

Avani :
You're a real brick, Doug, and I'm glad too.

Suze :
This discussion of natural selection, genes and memes is all too complex for me, even after a bit of research. Avani, please explain to a simple soul like me how you can claim to be an atheist and yet venerate Marcus for his spirituality? It seems to be a contradiction.

Suze :
Modern society believes that all good in the human heart springs from God so it's still a contradiction. By the way, you didn't give me any personal advice, Avani.

Avani :

Theists declare that all love, tenderness, spirituality and so on flow through the human heart from one source—belief in some sort of god. A skeptic like me contends that just because theists say it does not make it so. In fact, that they say it makes it false since almost everything theists say proceeds from a false premise—belief in some sort of god. Skeptics declare that all love, tenderness, spirituality and so on flow through the human heart from one source—natural selection, partly through genes but mostly through memes.

In other words, all that is good and decent in humans does not spring from belief in a non-existent god, Suze. All that is good and decent in humans springs from natural selection. Does that help?

Lizzie :

Okay, Avani, you have two bodyguards and you work for me in Midori. Start in intelligence analysis with a spectrum of increasing opportunity. We've integrated the information you'll analyze within your employer's current work stream so your current situation remains the same. The only differences are you'll also receive a paycheck and a benefits package from Midori.